I’ve been wondering how you guys were doing. Thats great, you and your folks living together. Thats the way it should be. Christians have really got to redifine our consepts of family and of caring for the elders of our families.

And now we are blessed to have him and my mother at home with us at a time when we can all enjoy each other and they can share and their wisdom, and teach us gardening and canning knowledge, etc. They are a blessing!

Glad you stopped by! Its good to know that there are other folks out there who are troubled by the whole nursing home thing. The road toward building biblical culture will be long and hard. The best place to start is in our own homes, from there the seeds of change will take root, and one day bare fruit. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts—and feel free to stop back often.

Amy (www.humblemusings.com) sent me a link to this thread after I had sent her the following email:

“I am deeply disturbed by the trend, even among Christians, to place our elderly in nursing homes, rather than care for them ourselves…in our homes.

In most of my research, even Christian ministries focus their articles for family caregivers on “how to choose the best nursing home.” I believe that is wrong…and I know that what I am going to say when I am through is going to step on a lot of toes….some of my very good friends will be offended.
Just as homeschooling has called us into a radically different lifestyle, so does how we see our duty toward our parents and grandparents.

I know…because I did it…and wish I had been better at it. But I can tell you that it is one thing to have children with you 24/7, it is quite another to have the care of the elderly…but I believe that is part of why
God put us in families…and He is clear in Scripture about our
responsibility to do so.

Growing up around our parents and grandparents, as you expressed in your vision for your family, is the perfect way to ease into that transition of providing for the elderly.

My husband and I have talked a lot about this in recent months. Two of our boys were married this summer, both of them to young ladies who live in the same rural community…despite the fact that one of our sons spent 4 years
away in a service academy…he still came home to marry a “home-town gal”….and we could not be happier. We are praying that neither of our sons will venture far so that they will have the help and support of all of us as they grow in their marriages and have children. They, in turn, will provide for our needs and the needs of their wive’s parents in the future.

Besides the fact that we have become a transient society that moves away from family, another major reason that we have bought into the whole “nursing home” option is our entitlement mentality.

Add to that our tendency to live self-absorbed selfish lives…..well…I am
sure you get the picture!”

Scott, I have been trying to position myself to address this very topic for months, and am thrilled to find others who are like-minded.

Praise God! He is so good to me!
Blessings in Christ ~ Patricia

You know what my favorite Waltons episode was? The one where the Feds were trying to take Martha Corin’s land and they had a shoot out. Of course “John Boy”—my least favorite character—screwed it up, but it was a good one none the less.

WJG

Thanks for your thoughts. It is a shame that most churches have traded a biblical worldveiw for a worldly one. Together we can turn this thing around.

This is a much needed reminder for all us Christians. Our parents were there for us when we were born so we need to be there for them as they decline in vigor. We need each other and that is a good thing. Inter-generational dependence keeps us free, temperate, and sustainable. I have never heard this proclaimed in my mainstream Evangelical Church. The ways of the world are completely embraced. I can see circumstances where nursing homes may be the least worst option but they should not be normative for Christians.

Mrs. Cumbee,

My Mom has said the same thing - that she wants to keep her “independence”. I don’t doubt that but I also know at least part of her thinking is that she doesn’t want to be a “burden”. Being a burden is just part of the cycle of life: in the womb, in infancy, in sickness, in infirmity, and in dotage. The alternative to being a “burden” is the sickening, utilitarian world of today that worships at the altar of youth. She is still on her own and likes it, actually living several states away close to my sister, but I wanted her to know that I never wanted to outsource her care if it came to that. But, what are we to do if our parents refuse our care? If they still are competent their wishes must be honored.

Herrick,

My hope is that I can try to reclaim a legacy, like the Waltons, where our family is kept together rather than scattered in search of mammon or self-actualization. Right now my wife and kids and I are separated from all our remaining parents by vast distances. It’s hard for us to rely on each other under the circumstances.

This concept of taking care of the parents brings to mind The Waltons. Remember that television show? I loved that show. Now, as I watch the old episodes, I see that it comes from a worldview that is not in line with my own. Nevertheless there are many good messages that come through.

One of those is that of taking care of family. Walton’s mountain and the Walton home had been in the Walton family for generations. Grandpa and Grandma lived in the same home with their son (John) and his wife (Olivia), and all the grandkids. The home was, I assume, passed down to the next generation and the next generation cared for the parents. What a wondeful example.

It has become the cultural norm. We can turn the tide by teaching our children their biblical calling to take care of us and then we can do our part by letting them. American individaulism and pride tend to work against the concept of biblical community.

Herrick

You are right. I stole the feed store idea from the boys in Virigina. However, my plan is more comprehensive. Since in my perfect world we would not have standing armies, we would use the old school buildings for local armories. Each towns milita would need their own.

We too would love to take care of my husband’s parents. They don’t want to be a burden and would rather live in a independent living home. Sad, so very sad. We are working now to change this whole thing within our family. The funny thing is to hear the comments from those outside of our family. “You mean you expect your children to take care of you when you are old? You just can’t expect them to be weighted down with your burden.” It is a similar response to the building a multigenerational legacy in farming. What child would want to stay on a farm? Sometimes we feel so alien in this culture.